it's not cheating when I paid for it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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