Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
