i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You are a genius and a whore.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
