i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
