I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
