Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
