I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
