I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
This is classic penis vs brain.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I smell like Dick and happiness
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
