operation have a gay friend backfired
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
