We named our party play list daddy issues
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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