Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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