FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
