when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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