this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
