Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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