Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
