I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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