I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
