Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
