i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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