If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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