Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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