you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
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I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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