Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Who put my cat in the fridge?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
