Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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