Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think my moral compass just broke
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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