And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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