My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
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I love having hate sex.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
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Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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