By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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