i jhust puked up my retainher.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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