It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
