Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
