If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
