sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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