we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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