College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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