if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
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Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
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A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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