i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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