i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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