shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
