I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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