Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
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WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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