Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
