I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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