Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
