so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste