I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
What a dumb baby whore.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have