well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.