I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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