I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
