his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
