somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
