so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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