Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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