I'm gonna have a badass scar
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
