one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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