the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
