My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
