Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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