I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
