Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
