I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
