One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
