i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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