he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
